I'll share this story on the one-year anniversary month of my dad's death. I have mentioned over the past 2 years how I've seen Scripture come to life through the challenges before me. Recently I was complimented on how I care for those who are sick, for I am a Nurse. But, the question that followed the compliment sat in my mind. The question was, "Why couldn't you have picked someone else to help?"
My dad was a challenging man, he actually wasn't pleasant to be around, which most likely stemmed from possibly having some form of a mental illness or untreated trauma in his life. Maybe he let past hurts seep into his heart at a young age and couldn't overcome them. He was a military vet and some of his stories have only been shared with a few. As traumatic as it was for those who heard them, it could also be seen as a gift for the listener. My Dad opening up was a big deal. It didn't excuse his behavior since it damaged relationships, however, it gave some insight into his turbulent life.
Toward the end when his health was declining rapidly, he refused the proper help that was recommended to meet his basic needs. Thus he was unsteady and fell a lot due to the lack of oxygen, which left open sores all over his body. His hygiene was beyond poor. I know he stayed hungry because he couldn't even get to the refrigerator for food or to the sink for a cup of water. He soon took on the look of a leper, right in front of my eyes.
Then it dawned on me why the question sat in my mind. It reminded me of... The story of Jesus and the leper. Unlike my dad, the leper said, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man.
Many may have already experienced being a caregiver, but to some degree takes its toll on you mentally and physically. It may come out as feeling irritable, or misunderstood which leaves you feeling alone. Caregivers don't need a list of what they are doing or did wrong. This just heaps more hurt onto a heart that is trying to heal. We don't pick or choose who God puts on our path. To hear, "What can I do to help you? What would bring you relief at this moment? How can I give you a rest?" is about the kindest thing you can say. However, the result of those words and actions will most likely inconvenience us.
My dad didn't die alone, even though the doctor said, "Sorry Ms. Lopes, there's no way you can make it here in time. He had a pulmonary embolism and his vitals are dropping as we speak." My twenty-minute ride to the hospital was a blur, but I made it in time. The doctor commented when I arrived, "This is unusual that he's survived this long." I knew instantly that it was God's mercy, not just for my dad, but for me. I heard a grunting sound that told me he knew I was there. I touched his arm and his face as his breaths became further apart. While I watched his heart rate and blood pressure fall, I whispered in his ear, "Do you feel the peace Dad?" I gently laid my hand over his heart, knowing God created his first heartbeat, and I was chosen to feel his last. Along with his final breath, I prayed that God would take all the frustration and turmoil inside of me ("If you are willing") and our family from these past years.
Soon it was as if God had taken my hand off my dad's chest and lifted me up in peace.
I recently had a conversation with someone who meant well by pressing me to say that I must feel a loss of not having a strong father figure in my life. A peace swelled within me as I said, "No, I really don't, but I understand what you are saying." I started to reply, I KNOW who my father is, he has been walking right beside me all along. But I didn't say anything, knowing it's difficult for others to see through all the mud left behind on such a rugged trail. However, showering a person with love ..."What can I do to help you now? Rest awhile," can help wash away the mud that was left behind. Sure there will be scratches and bruises under the dried-up dirt, soon to become scars. They will be a reminder of the path that was chosen for you.
In my book, I Called Her Nan, Chapter 16 titled, Little Things, ends... "Imagine, all along I thought I was helping her, but the blessing turned out to be mine."
Yes, we can always pick and choose who we want to help or... we can accept who God chooses for us and trust that all things work together for good.
~Cathy
Comments