The title, Stay A Little Longer comes from a chapter in my book, I Called Her Nan. Recently I've been hearing a lot about how communities and churches have lost the art of being a support, for those grieving from the loss of a loved one. Or reaching out to those caring for a terminally ill friend or family member.
As I reread this chapter, it sounded so different to me, I heard it from a new perspective after experiencing another death in my life not too long ago. I let myself go back to the busy days of having three children and the desire to be with my mother-in-law during the last month of her life. My husband and I altered our lives around her care, not just visits...but caring for her needs and helping my father-in-law.
Chapter 5- Stay a Little Longer. "At the time, I had two days off a week. On those days, I would get the boys off to school and drive straight to the country. Most of those days were spent just laying on the bed with her. I started thinking about her feelings. How would I feel if it was me with cancer? I knew that I would be afraid, not wanting to be alone. So, in the quiet room, I would help her drink iced coffee, which is all she wanted. I would clip her nails and rub her arms and legs. Warm towels on her body helped with the itching that the cancer was causing."
Over the course of last year, while my dad was ill and my moms' dementia became worse, I remember the exhaustion of always being in the car after work, riding to the hospital or rehab to visit my dad or meet with the nurses in reference to his care, or moms. I recall feeling hungry because of a missed meal due to either waiting too long, didn't feel like stopping, or not having an appetite. Smaller paychecks from missing work, the early morning hours trying to keep up with my responsibility of being a nurse, and being woken up by a phone call of some sort each night, left me feeling tired.
Churches and communities can't always be counted on, because the demands of life seem greater than ever these days, or so it seems. We all can find a reason or excuse for not reaching out. For the most part, it would be inconvenient to create that extra time. It would mean a personal sacrifice that may even cost money. Or we simply do not know what to say or do. It's even possible, that we feel the person that was sick and died wasn't that important or lived a life we didn't agree with, so no need to extend sympathy or help, assuming that death brought relief. But in reality, it can cause more grief, including the grief of feeling alone. It's grief all the same.
The answer to what can we do to get communities to help with those grieving... we must,
BE the church. BE the community. BE the neighbor, BE the friend. BE the family. Don't miss an opportunity to be that outreach of support to someone who's grieving. A card, a meal, random text, a hug, a short visit. There even may be times you need to... Stay A Little Longer.
Chapter 16-Little Things. "To think I almost didn't accept the first glass of wine she offered and the chance to sit with a stranger. Imagine, all along I thought I was helping her, but the blessing turned out to be mine."
With Love,
Cathy
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